In The Name Of Love
by nettijessielange
Summary: Two years after Monsignor Howard left Briarcliff, Cardinal Howard returns to rescue one of the patients
1. New York

Cardinal Howard. His title for nearly two years now. Timothy never imagined he would hate to be adressed like that.

It was always something he wanted to achieve. Years ago he dreamed of New York and eventually Rome but now he could only think of Briacliff ans his dark past.

It wasn't the building itself or the work with the mentally insane but his attempts to achieve his goals by using helpless people.

For years he had closed his eyes. He let people like Arden, Thredson and even Carl work there. Arden and Thredson were both monsters and Carl had been nothing but an sex addict who used patients for his pleasure.

The Monsignor had known about Doctor Arden and Carl, only Oliver Thredson had surprised him. But at the end of the day it was only his reputation that mattered.

He had left Briarcliff as Cardinal and never looked back, never pitied the lost souls that lost their lifes while he was in charge.

Now, nearly two years later, Lana Winters had visited him to expose him and everything about Briarcliff.

It wasn't her disgusted expression nor the questions that shook him to the core... It was her name. The name he had tried to forget and buried like all memories of her and the institution.

Since that night she visited him in his dreams. Mostly she accused him of killing her but sometimes she begged him to release her and that were the worst nightmares.

All this time he had tried to forget how he reached his ultimate goal but running wasn't an option anymore.

Timothy Howard has always been selfish, egoistic and a coward. Even killing himself has been the failed attempt to protect himself from truth before anyone else might be able to look behind the facade of the Cardinal.

As he had watched the cold blade in his hand Timothy realised that he had failed. He was supposed to be better than everyone else but in the end, he wasn't any different than Arden or Thredson. Because of him people died or were left behind.

He couldn't undo the past but he could try to compensate his mistakes. That's what brought him back to Briarcliff now.

He had never asked if she was still alive, he didn't know if he was too late but he would find out soon.

He closed his suitcase and stood. Tonight he will leave New York and drive back to Briarcliff Manor. He hated himself for everything he did to become Cardinal and was determined to change his life forever


	2. Briarcliff

Timothy never thought he would see the building again. As he drove away, more than two years ago now, he wanted to leave it forever.

Timothy always thought he would be someone who deserved to be promoted and rise up the steps of the church. Just now he understood that he wasn't a godly man and he will make it up to Jude for being so cruel.

The word alone hurted him. The last time they spoke she told him "The cruelest thing of all is false hope".

He cringed just thinking about it. He didn't just hurt her, he left her behind though he knew what could happen. She could have died long ago.

But he didn't want to think about it. He prepared himself for the worst but was determined to walk away with her a couple of hours later.

The walls of Briacliff were even darker and colder than he remembered. The screams of the inmates were disturbing and frightening. He and Jude had always tried to quite the patients. They locked them away until they stopped screaming or they punished them.

Now it seems, nobody cared about them. He saw a couple of woman beating another one who was laying on the floor. He wanted to help her but three guards ran towards them to hit the woman.

They didn't even try to separate them. The guards were only beating everyone down.

Timothy feared the worst. What happened to this place? They had wanted to help people and maybe even "cure" them at least in the beginning. His thoughts went back to the abondoned person he searched. He needed to know if she was still alive, the show near her "stairway to heaven" was freezing his blood and fear gripped his heart.

Timothy searched for someone to help. He figured he would go to the common room, maybe there were other guards.

As soon as he opened the doors, he stopped. It was chaos, pure disturbing chaos. Inmates were running around screaming, other were sitting on the floor staring at the walls. A couple were sleeping under tables and in the corner.

There were so many people in the room, he couldn't focus. He walked slowly inside and tried to search Jude.

A woman came to his side and brushed her hand over his chest, she remembered him of Shelley. He stepped back but she followed him, pressing her breasts against him. "We could sneak away together honey...".

Timothy grabbed her shoulders and pushed her slowly away. "I'm sorry but I'm not interested!". He walked away but could feel her eyes following him.

He saw a tv on the other side of the room and thought he could see a flash of blonde curly hair.

He walked over to the woman and kneeled down besides her. It was Jude but nothing remembered him of the woman he had adored for her strength and intelligence.

"Jude, it's me, Timothy." He touched her shoulder softly and she cringed. She didn't move away but she seemed to feel uncomfortable. Her eyes were fixated on the screen "This is about me, it's based on my life."

She was rocking back and forth and pointed her finger on the tv. Timothy stopped staring at her and followed her eyes. It was a show about nuns and he realised that she was remembering her old life, at least some of it...

"Jude, do you know who I am?". Timothy moved in front of her and she stopped rocking. She was looking at him now but didn't recognise him.

"Some day I'm gonna fly my ass out of here...". She mumbled softly. Timothy smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'm sure you will." He stood and caressed her shoulder softly. Just now he realised how much he had missed her.

Her voice, her determined look, it reminded him of a better time when he was still content with his life.

She was alive and it was all that mattered. He needed to find someone to help him... He walked away, again searching for a guard, nurse, secretary... anyone.

As his hand left her shoulder, she touched it. It has been so long since someone caressed her. She was used to violence now and the warmth of his hand was welcomed.

She started to rock back and forth again, watching HER show. "Some day I'm gonna fly my ass out of here...".

Timothy walked towards his old office, Judes old office... Seeing her like that was tearing him apart. It was his fault and he needed desperately to correct that! He couldn't continue with his life knowing she was still Betty Drake, locked away in this shithole that had been their dream...

He knocked at the door as he reached the office and someone yelled for him to come in... It's now or never...

He looked at his work and was quite proud of himself. The house seemed to be inviting and warm. Excactly how he wanted it. Jude will be released tomorrow and he bought a small house nearly three hours away from Briarcliff.

He wanted to care for her here until she could decide herself where to go and where to live. Timothy hoped it wasn't too late for her to live a normal life after everything she went through.

Her voice was still on his mind since he had visited her. If he concentrated enough, he could hear her soft humming while cooking his favorite meal years ago. He had pushed everything away, even the memories of better times.

She deserved another life, full of warmth, friendship and stability.

Jude looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't recognise the face before her. What had happened?

They told her, she was free to go but didn't know who would want to be so generous to take care of her.

She had no friends, not here and definitely not out of these terrible place.

Jude started to dress. She was allowed to shower and they gave her new clothes. Newly bought clothes. It didn't make any sense.

Everything was so confusing but the medications weren't as strong as before. She got a different medications and Jude felt already the change. She could recognise some people and could concentrate better than before.

Jude looked one last time in the mirror and walked slowly but shakingly towards the door. Maybe one time she will be lucky enough to start a better life...

Timothy stood neevously at his car. They wanted to bring Jude to him. He bought her clothes and a house, he just hoped she could forgive him somehow. It wasn't enough backpay but maybe he would find a way to earn her forgivness completely.

Two guards were walking down the steps of Briacliff, Jude in between them. She looked pale and skinny but more like herself now.

It had been two weeks since his first visit and they promised to reduce her medications. It seemed she felt better now but as soon as she saw him, she stopped.

Jude tried to turn around but the guards held her back "Come on Betty, you're free to go...". Jude wanted to fight them but knew it was useless.

Timothy was shocked as he saw her reaction and the fear in her eyes. She had recognised him finally but her reaction was far from friendly.

Jude wantrd to run away, what could he want from her? He let her rot for years... Tears were forming in her eyes and she started to panic. Would he kill her to silence her forever because of his involvement with Dr Arden? To safe his reputation?

"Are you sure you want to take her with you Mr Howard?" One of the orderlies were curious about his intentions. Betty has been quite a challenge over the years.

"Yes I am, she's just not remembering me right now." Timothy hoped the guards will buy it, he wanted to get away as fast as possible.

Jude didn't know what to do. Her legs didn't obey her and she let Timothy guide herself into his car since fighting him wasn't possible. Once seated, she started to panic again, she felt trapped and didn't know what he would possibility do to her.

Timothy ran over to his side and sat down besides her. "Please don't be afraid, I'm here to take you away from this place. I'm going to care for you until you feel better."

Jude was beyond confused. He had always been so egoistical and didn't care for more than his career. She had to learn about it painfully.

Timothy started the car and they drove away. Jude was still under medications and drifted off despite her fear. She woke up as Timothy stopped and got out.

Jude looked around, she had forgotten for a second where and with whom she were. She jumped slightly as Timothy opened her door. She looked up at him with fear and tears in her eyes, still unsure what he might want from her.

Timothy knelt down and took her hand. "I promise you that I'm not going to hurt you. I have been an coward, I know that now. I... I left the church to dtay with you, I want to take care of you and to try to compensate everything that happened these past years."

Her tears were flowing down her cheeks and he wiped them away with his free hand. "I don't know why I handled everything like I did... I am so sorry. I want to help you to start a new life and until you feel better, this will be your new home."

Timothy was ashamed of himself and he looked down.

Jude needed some time to understand what he said. After all this time he came back to rescue her, she couldn't understand why now, why after such a long time? Pepper has been gone for nearly a year now, she had been truly alone, without any friends to protect her.

Why would one of the most egoistical man she ever met, be so selfless? Nothing was making any sense but Jude wasn't able to question his motives, at least not yet.


	3. The New Home

Timothy helped Jude out of the car. She was very shaky and needed his support. The small house was just lovely, deep in the woods and near a lake.

They were totally alone with no one to disturb them. Jude didn't know what to think about that, she couldn't trust Timothy completely.

As they walked inside, Jude stopped. The atmosphere was welcoming, everything seemed to be warm and inviting, very different from the cold and dark Briarcliff.

"I hope you like it. I didn't want to buy something which needed to be repaired much... Do you want to lay down now or later?" Timothy was unsure of what to do. Their relationship had changed completely and to call them would have been inapropriate.

Jude just looked at him blankly, she hadn't said anything yet. Somehow it felt wrong to talk with him as if nothing had happened. The bitterness of his betrayal was still heavy on her heart.

"I will just show you your room, I hope you like it...". He guided her down the hallway until they reached two doors. He opened the right one and walked with her inside.

Her bedroom wasn't spacious but the bed looked very comfortable. The sun shone through the curtains and bathed the room in a pleasant light. Timothy sat her down on the bed and started to take off her shoes. Jude tensed up at his touch but didn't move away.

"Would you like to change in a nightgown?" He wanted her to feel at home and show her that he really cared. She needed to rest and she couldn't sleep comfortably while wearing it.

Jude didn't know what to do, the dress felt too tight, she was only used to the wide gowns back in Briarcliff and hadn't worn civil clothes in years. But she couldn't change herself. They had minimized her medication already but it didn't stop the first signs of withdrawal.

Tears started to form in her eyes, she was so helpless and Timothy was like a stranger now. She didn't know the selfless man before her and that scared her even more than the clean, pure priest that had abondoned her.

He stood and searched the nightgown he bought. It was cotton goen with a high neckline and quite wide. It remembered her of her own gown she wore in Briarcliff at night while she had still been a nun.

He looked at Jude and raised a brow. "Do you like it? I don't know anything about fashion, I just thought you would feel more comfortable."

She had nothing after they gave her personal belongings away years ago so he had to buy a couple of new clothes until she would be able to get her own.

He had been more than surprised as Mary Eunice packed Judes belongings years ago and found the red gown but after finding out about Mary being possessed, he figured she wanted to fool him, to ruin Judes reputation.

Timothy bought these clothes with her being still a nun in mind and hoped she would accept his presents.

"Well if you don't like them, we could drive to the next city to buy you other things... You could choose yourself what to wear...". He tried, he really did but all what Jude wanted now was to lay down in a real bed with a real mattress.

He had already done so much for her. She would have never thought he would buy so many things for her... Jude grabbed the gown because she didn't want to appear ungrateful or rude. "It's ok..."

It was the first time she spoke and Timothy was pleasantly surprised. It showed him that his Jude was still inside there, somewhere.

"Ok, do you need help?" Jude was taken aback. That was another issue, she needed his help but didn't want to. Her fingers were constantly shaking but letting him or anyone else touch her was frightening.

Timothy saw her inner turmoil and wanted to make a compromise. "I will open the zipper of the dress and pull the gown over your head. You can try to undress under the gown... It's big enough for that." All she wanted now was to change and to be alone again until she felt better.

Jude nodded and Timothy moved over and sat down besides her. With shaking fingers he opened the zipper at her back. He was nervous, being so close to her to her felt inapropriate and maybe even sinful.

"We will just leave the bra..." His face turned red, he felt uncomfortable and didn't want to scare her. Jude held her breath until his fingers left her body.

He pulled the gown over her head and Jude tried to get her arms out of the dress. Her hands were still shaking but somehow she managed it. "Ok, I will just pull it down your hips...".

Timothy took a deep breath and reached under the gown for the dress as Jude bit on her lip. How long had she fantasiesed about this? She had dreamed of it night after night as she was still a nun working in Briarcliff but she was insecure. The whole situation didn't make any sense and it confused her even more the longer he pretended to care for her.

Timothy pulled the dress down and layed it on a chair besides her bed. He had never been this close to a woman and it was scared the hell out of him. It was Jude after all, the woman he had worked with for many years and he could feel deep down that he had truly missed her.

He pushed the hem of her nightgown down and started to stand. "Now try to sleep, I'm going to start dinner for us...". Not wanting to spend more time than neccessary in her bedroom, he walked out to leave her alone finally.

Jude felt very sleepy now. The day had been an emotional rollercoaster and she needed to rest more than anything else.

Timothy closed the door as soon as she was laying on the bed and walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. He had hoped that she would be happy to see him and taking her away from that awful prison...

But she seemed to be scared by him, something he couldn't really understand. Timothy had never layed a hand on her and never would but her fear told him that it would be a long road to forgivness and maybe even happiness.


End file.
